So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
