You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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