drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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