i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
