my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
