And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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