so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
