She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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