someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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