I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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