so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
