I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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