I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
