I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
