after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
