Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
