Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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