where am i from again
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
