Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
