who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
