omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
