...so i touched it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
