It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
