Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
