At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
His nipple licking is glorious
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