Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
