i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
