We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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