So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
