do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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