Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
