mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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