i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
