I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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