I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Never underestimate the power of titties
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
