yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
