I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
