does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
