He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
