So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
