I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
