Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
