I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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