You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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