I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
