He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you made out with another girl for some wings
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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