I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
