Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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