I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can Purell be used as lube?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
