Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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