if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I faked an abortion last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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